To Have or Not To Have A Cool and Calculated Exterior
This is it. I should say how I feel, right now. But, wait. What if they think I’m weird, or even worse, weak? No, no, I should probably keep it under covers. I’m better off this way. Sounds, familiar? We are so busy being our flawless and calm selves around others that we forget the most important thing- to be ourselves. Sure, people find our cool and composed behaviour impressive, but there can be a storm raging on the inside. We cannot disregard it. I don’t mean all people are like that, but many try really hard to maintain this facade of cool and calculated exterior. The fear of being judged, deemed as weak is so colossal in our heads, that expressing ourselves seems an impossible thing to do. So, we rather choke on it than say it out loud.
Why are we like this? Firstly, because we don’t want to come across as corny or cringey. Secondly, it is likely there was a time when we unveiled ourselves, and the person shamelessly laughed at us, or judged us harshly. Well, we do embarrass ourselves in public, and often people tell us to behave appropriately. At such times, we all have thought about sitting down and track how do we respond. So, in future we can optimise what they think of us. Google also becomes our saviour, loaded with thousands of articles with advises fluctuating from getting yourself a hobby to staying away from your phone. So, we even try these, but how often does it really help? Not many times, because we cannot live our lives following a specific set of rules just to blend in, when on the inside we don’t even feel like ourselves anymore.
I think the problem lies behind our definition of ‘what’s cool’ and ‘what’s not’. Our general perception of social acceptance guides us towards putting up a front in public. The bi-product is anxiety and fear of social gatherings. Not reacting much on something you are deeply affected by, not cracking that joke because you don’t want to sound lame- all this not only prevents us from having a deep connection with people, but over time, can also make us bitter and cold. Bonds last because of how vulnerable we can be around one another. Not because how chill we are. A cool and calculated exterior makes people don’t form strong opinions about us, but vulnerability is honest and polarising. When we open our heart to people, it is only when we get to know how similar we are to them, how they experience the same struggles as we do.
People are going to make perceptions about us, no matter what we do. Also, it is impossible to guarantee no ridicule after showing our authenticity to the people. But one thing is definite- they will respect us for being unafraid and comfortable in our skin. By letting our guards down, we open ample opportunities to draw from others’ wisdom to help overcome our weaknesses. We also unfurl the path to being cherished and cared for. First, ask yourself, “Is there even a point in having those people in our lives who can’t accept us for who we are?”
Living in a carefully thought out exterior bubble will protect us from world’s judgement for some time. But the sheer amount of loneliness that comes with not being in the place where we can’t even express ourselves, and being unable to find new friends and allies is soul crushing. So, whenever you are trying too hard not to be a fool, just be one. What if it’s embarrassing! Laugh along. Because sometimes, true strength lies in being a crying fool in our weakest times. And, sometimes expressing our real emotions is what makes us really powerful.
Don’t keep it cool just for the sake of it, and trust me everything will be alright.
Also read: An Open Letter to people turning 18 from a 24-year-old
