Rethinking A Relationship: Living with a Narcissist?

How can you tell you are dating a Narcissist? or are living with a narcissist…Many therapists admit that often you can’t, at least in the beginning. It’s not as if they wear a sign on their foreheads advertising it. In fact, the opposite may be true.

What is Narcissist Personality Disorder?

The Mayo Clinic research group defines a narcissistic personality disorder as “a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration. Those with narcissistic personality disorder believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.” This alternate persona to the real self often comes across as grandiose, “above others,” self-absorbed, and highly conceited.

So, How do you know you are dating or living with a narcissist? Here are 7 telltale signs: 

Hog the conversations into…How great they are!

One of the easiest ways to detect a possible narcissist is by listening to the way he or she speaks. A pathological narcissist loves to talk about himself. Often in exaggerated and grandiose terms. He/She is also someone who’s likely to dominate a conversation.

Also Read Signs you are in an Abusive Relationship

 

Common conversational topics for narcissists include accomplishments and achievements (the trophy complex), exciting and envy-worthy activities, excessive focus on personal issues and concerns, excessive focus on looks and materialism, and putting others down to show one’s own superiority.

Lack of empathy

Lack of empathy, or the ability to feel how another person is feeling, is one of the hallmark characteristics of a narcissist. Does your partner care when you’ve had a bad day at work, fight with your best friend, or scuffle with your parents? Or do they get bored when you express the things making you mad and sad?

The inability to empathize, or even sympathize, is often the reason why many, if not all, narcissists’ relationships eventually collapse, whether they’re romantic or not.

They don’t have (any) or many long-term friends

Most narcissists won’t have any long-term, real friends. Dig deeper into their connections and you may notice that they only have casual acquaintances, buddies they trash-talk, and nemeses.

As a result, they might lash out when you want to hang out with yours. They might claim that you don’t spend enough time with them, make you feel guilty for spending time with your friends or berate you for the types of friends you have.

Lack of commitment to serious relationship 

If you and your partner have been dating for a good length of time, and your partner is unwilling to make a serious commitment, it may be cause for concern.

There are many possible reasons for a partner’s lack of commitment. Some are highly reasonable. While some deserve serious consideration. Others, however, may be highly selfish.

What distinguishes a narcissist’s lack of commitment is his or her desire to keep the status quo with you, reap the benefits of intimacy, while keeping an eye out for other, perhaps more eligible (in the narcissist’s view) prospects. Based on experience written and Researched by Mayo Clinical Research.

They pick on you constantly

Maybe at first, it felt like teasing…. but then it got mean or became constant.

“They’ll put you down, call you names, hit you with hurtful one-liners, and make jokes that aren’t quite funny,” according to NPD. “Their goal is to lower other’s self-esteem so that they can increase their own because it makes them feel powerful.”

Tip: A Narcissist loves reaction it tells them they have the power to control other’s emotions. Still, feel you aren’t living with a narcissist?

A warning sign: If they knock you down with insults when you do something worth celebrating, getaway. A narcissist might say ‘You were able to do that because I didn’t sleep well’ or some excuse to make it seem like you have an advantage that they didn’t have.

They want you to know that you’re not better than them. Because, to them, nobody is.

They gaslight you

Heard of the term gaslight? Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and emotional abuse, and it’s a hallmark of narcissism.

Narcissists may spew blatant lies, falsely accuse others, spin the truth, and ultimately distort your reality. We have enlisted a few signs of gaslighting:

• You no longer feel like the person you used to be.
• You always think it’s your fault when things go wrong.
• You’re apologizing often.
• You make excuses for your partner’s behavior.
• You have a sense that something’s wrong, but aren’t able to identify what it is.

Why do they do this, must be your question most of the time? They do this to cause others to doubt themselves as a way to gain superiority. Narcissists thrive off of being worshipped, so they use manipulation tactics to get you to do just that. Rethinking your relationship? Are you living with a narcissist?

They think they are right about EVERYTHING.

Fighting with a narcissist feels impossible.

There is no debating or compromising with a narcissist because they are always right. They won’t necessarily see disagreement as a disagreement. They’ll just see it as them teaching you some truth.

… and when you show them you’re really done, they lash out! 

If you insist that you’re done with the relationship, they’ll make it their goal to hurt you for abandoning them. Their ego is so severely bruised that it causes them to feel rage and hatred for anyone who ‘wronged’ them. That’s because everything is everyone else’s fault. Including the breakup.

The result? They might bad-mouth you to save face. Or they might start immediately dating someone else to make you feel jealous and help heal their ego. Or they’ll try to steal your friends. The reason is that a good reputation means everything to them, and they won’t let anyone or anything interfere with it.

Are you living with a Narcissist? Being in a relationship with someone who’s always criticizing, belittling, gaslighting, and not committing to you is emotionally exhausting. That’s why, for your own sanity, experts say.

You cannot change a person with a narcissistic personality disorder or make them happy by loving them enough or by changing yourself to meet their whims and desires. They will never be in tune with you, never empathic to your experiences, and you will always feel empty after an interaction with them.

“The best thing you can do is cut ties. Offer them no explanation. Offer no second chance. Break up with them and offer no second, third, or fourth chance.”

Remember: This article isn’t meant to diagnose your partner. It’s meant to outline unacceptable behaviors and reactions in the context of a loving, equitable partnership. None of these signs point to a healthy relationship, NPD, or not.

And having one or six of these signs doesn’t make your partner a narcissist. Rather, it’s a good cause for re-evaluating whether or not you’re thriving in your relationship. You’re not responsible for their behavior, but you are responsible for taking care of yourself.